Attachment Style Parenting, Part II

Real life scenarios and tips

Attachment style parenting is all about creating a secure and loving bond with your child. The idea comes from attachment theory, which shows that early relationships shape how kids relate to themselves and others as they grow up. The core idea focuses on building that secure base through responsiveness, consistency, and nurturing. This helps children feel valued, seen, and heard. It’s not just about meeting basic needs, but about emotionally attuning to them.

Here are some real-life scenarios and tips for practicing attachment style parenting at different stages, from newborns to teenagers:

1. Newborn to 1 Year Old

Scenario: Your baby is crying at 3 a.m., and you’re exhausted.

Attachment Parenting Approach: Responding consistently to your baby’s cries helps build trust. Pick them up, hold them close, and use a calming voice. Remember, at this age, crying is their main way to communicate needs, and responding promptly creates a secure attachment.

Tip: Skin-to-skin contact, baby wearing, and gentle rocking can help create a deep sense of safety and connection.

2. Toddlers (1-3 Years)

Scenario: Your toddler throws a tantrum at the grocery store.

Attachment Parenting Approach: Understand that tantrums are often an expression of frustration or overstimulation. Get down to their level, make eye contact, and say, “I see that you’re feeling upset. It’s okay. Let’s take some deep breaths together.”

Tip: Stay calm and consistent. Your presence and reassurance help your toddler learn to regulate their emotions.

3. Preschoolers (3-5 Years)

Scenario: Your preschooler refuses to share toys during a playdate.

Attachment Parenting Approach: Acknowledge their feelings and guide them through the situation. You might say, “I know you don’t want to share right now because that toy is really special to you. How about we choose another toy your friend can play with?”

Tip: Validate their emotions without shaming them, and teach empathy by modeling it.

4. Early School Age (6-9 Years)

Scenario: Your child comes home from school looking sad but says, “Nothing’s wrong” when you ask.

Attachment Parenting Approach: Create an environment where your child feels safe opening up. You could sit next to them and say, “I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk” or suggest an activity like drawing together where conversation can happen more naturally.

Tip: Be patient and non-judgmental. Sometimes it takes time for them to process and express their emotions.

5. Tweens (10-12 Years)

Scenario: Your tween starts to push back on rules, like resisting bedtime or homework.

Attachment Parenting Approach: Maintain boundaries while showing empathy. Instead of saying, “You have to do your homework now,” try, “I know homework isn’t fun, but let’s figure out how we can get through it together. Would taking a break first help?”

Tip: Balance structure with flexibility. Allow them to have some input and choices, which fosters their growing independence while keeping the connection strong.

6. Teenagers (13-18 Years)

Scenario: Your teen comes home later than curfew and you’re upset and worried.

Attachment Parenting Approach: Instead of jumping into discipline mode, start with, “I was worried when you didn’t come home on time. Let’s talk about what happened.” This opens up space for honest conversation and shows that you value their input and trustworthiness.

Tip: Respect their need for autonomy while staying involved. Teens need to know their parents are a safe place to land, even when they’re making mistakes.

General Tips Across All Ages

• Be Present: Whether it’s through eye contact, active listening, or just being physically present, showing that you’re there and fully engaged strengthens attachment.

• Use Positive Reinforcement: Encourage good behavior and effort with praise and affection.

• Be Consistent: Consistency is key in building trust. Following through with what you say—both in promises and in boundaries—helps kids of all ages feel secure.

Attachment style parenting is about nurturing a secure, connected relationship with your child at every stage, adapting as they grow, and ensuring they feel understood and supported. It’s not always easy, but it’s so rewarding in the long run!